The Voice We Rarely Talk About

If there's one companion that follows many of us throughout our days, it’s that small, persistent voice in the back of our minds - the inner critic.

It whispers:
"You’re not good enough."
"They’re better than you."
"Why even try - you'll mess it up."

And here's the thing - we all have it. Even the women we admire most, those who seem so grounded and radiant, have had to face this voice.

I've spent years slowly learning to recognize it, understand it, and gradually soften it. I'm still learning. This is not about "fixing" yourself - it's about building a relationship with your mind that feels supportive instead of destructive.

Why We Struggle with Self-Talk (And Why That's Normal)

Your inner critic isn't some evil part of you. It formed, usually, to protect you - to keep you small, safe, and socially accepted.

When we're children, our nervous system stores experiences of shame, rejection, and failure. Over time, that voice becomes a strategy to avoid further pain:
"If I criticize myself first, no one else can."

But in adulthood, this strategy can become a prison.
We stop taking chances. We shrink. We play roles instead of expressing who we really are.

My Turning Point (A Gentle Wake-Up Call)

I noticed the pattern most strongly when I started pursuing more meaningful work.
Every time I stepped toward something that mattered, the voice would get louder.

"Who do you think you are?"
"You can't handle this."

At first, I thought this meant I wasn't ready - that I needed to become more perfect first.
But slowly I realized: this was simply fear speaking.

The more I tried to "overcome" it aggressively, the stronger it became. It was only when I started approaching it with compassion that things shifted.

The First Step: Noticing Without Judgment

One of the most powerful practices is simply to notice your inner critic - without judging it or trying to shove it away.

When that harsh thought arises, try saying inwardly:
"Ah, there you are. I see you. Thank you for trying to protect me. But I choose another path today."

This sounds small, but over time, it helps unhook you from the automatic spiral of self-criticism.

Building a Kinder Inner Dialogue (And No, It's Not Fake Positivity)

Many people fear that "positive self-talk" will feel fake or forced.
And yes - if you slap affirmations over deep wounds, it might not help for all.

Instead, think of it like training a new voice.
You are building an inner mentor, not replacing your inner critic with toxic positivity.

Some phrases that have helped me:

👉 "I am learning, and that's enough."
👉 "I am allowed to take up space."
👉 "I can be both imperfect and worthy."
👉 "My worth does not depend on performance."

Say them often - not to "convince" yourself, but to give your nervous system new language to anchor to.

Practices That Help Quiet the Critic

Here are a few gentle practices that have genuinely helped me:

🌿 Body awareness: When the critic shows up, I notice where I feel it in my body - tension in the chest, throat, stomach. Breathing into these places helps disrupt the pattern.

🌿 Journaling: Writing down the critic's words and then responding with my wiser voice helps me see the distortion.

🌿 Voice work: Sometimes I literally whisper kind words to myself aloud. It's surprising how powerful it feels to hear your own voice speak supportively.

🌿 Movement: Dancing, walking, stretching - moving through the critic’s energy softens its grip.

🌿 Modeling: Surrounding myself with content (books, videos, people) where self-compassion is modeled reminds me what’s possible.

This Is Quiet, Powerful Work

No one may see this work from the outside.
You won't always get applause for shifting your self-talk.
But trust me: this is some of the most important work you'll ever do.

Because when you gradually shift your inner dialogue, everything changes:

✨ You take more chances.
✨ You show up more fully.
✨ You recover faster from setbacks.
✨ You become someone who radiates resilience and softness at the same time.

A Final Reminder (For You and For Me)

Your inner critic isn't wrong for existing.
It learned its patterns for a reason.

But you are no longer a child who needs that level of protection.
You can choose, gently and consistently, to build a new voice inside you.

A voice that says:
":I trust myself. I am enough as I am. I will continue to grow."

This is not a finish line - it is a practice.

One I'm walking alongside you.
One small, brave choice at a time.